today i felt a little silly. i let a movie get to me and tug on my emotions. i cried watching a movie for the first time in a long time [really, if ever, i don't remember ever crying because of a movie before].

anyway, the movie wasn’t really what caused me to cry. it wasn’t any sort of special/headlining moving, but i saw a preview a while back and thought, ryan philippe & channing tatum can’t be too bad. well, having not really thought of it since then, i just wrote it off as a movie i wouldn’t see.

then this year SJ & i got netflix. and in the scanning of movies that they had to offer, this one popped in my memory as being a movie that looked interesting. so i added it.  in the realization that everyone will be gone this week, and i should take advantage of netflix, i pushed some of the movies i’d been wanting to see to the top of the list.

putting in the movie this afternoon, i didn’t think anything of it. an action filled story with a love twist, and a tough lesson to be taught. that is what this movie held, but i guess for me it stirred up more.

it made me think of nathan.

it made me think of john, aaron, erik and so many others that i’ve not even known other than hearing their names that have been or are currently there.

it was heartbreaking. the realization that people are just not the same after being there. there is this fear that more can be lost.

remembering the heartbreaking hurt of losing nathan.

i remember the feeling of telling lisa at the wrestling match of what happened, how i stumbled over my words, not knowing how to say it, but knowing that she needed to know. i hated that feeling. i remember being uncertain of what to do.

all of it came back today, all because of a movie…