ideas…

working on putting together some ideas/images i’ve found online of what i want tattoo #2 to look like….now i just have to get these 4 images into a cohesive single tree that looks like i want it too….

update.

i think it will be fun to offer some updates on my 25 things. i know it was just my last post, and next time, there will hopefully be some fun thoughts posted in between. but i’m going to try & update this at LEAST every month, just to see where i’m at. life is beautiful right now. i love it.

1. finish a book every month. [i'm almost done with Donald Miller's latest. that will be one book for 2010]

4. go to the gym 3 times a week. [january is the WORST time to have a gym membership, everyone thinks they are ready to start a consistent work out plan, but really, they are just crowding out the regulars. luckily this week i've had most mornings off so, i go before work now rather than after.]

7. remember to be thankful more often. [i have some pretty amazing friends. i thought about that a lot on my drive home from bellingham today.]

8. wear more skirts/dresses. [tomorrow. i'll be in a skirt.]

13. maintain a cleaner room. [all week long, i made my bed, and by made my bed, i mean, i straightened out the top blanket, so the whole bed looked made. it's all about the little steps right now]

18. simplify life. [get rid of stuff i don't need] [did a TON of laundry, and rather than just put it all back in my dresser, i weeded out the clothes i don't wear, and donated them]

23. eat more vegetables. [i ate asparagus]

24. work on getting past the broken parts of life. [DW helped work on a piece of this one this week. still working, and it's wonderful to have such amazing friends]

25. enjoy more. [i know some of the best people in the world, so it's pretty hard to not be enjoying life right now.]

25.

i’m 25 now. i want to do 25 things this year.

1. finish a book every month.
2. take more pictures.
3. get more photos matted & framed.
4. go to the gym 3 times a week. [even when i don't want to]
5. get my 2nd tattoo.
6. write more. [for blogging & just for myself]
7. remember to be thankful more often.
8. wear more skirts/dresses.
9. do something that scares me.
10. completely pay off at least 1 of my loans (school or car).
11. clean up my hard-drive. [make it more manageable]
12. get a coloring book & crayons & finish the book.
13. maintain a cleaner room.
14. take in more sunsets. maybe even a sunrise or two.
15. camp outside more.
16. document time in alaska better [thru blog & pictures]
17. drive to alaska.
18. simplify life. [get rid of stuff i don't need]
19. remind my friends i am glad they are around more.
20. create a budget & stick with it.
21. go on at least one fun washington trip before going to alaska [leave sedro/bellingham for a weekend]
22. learn to do something new.
23. eat more vegetables.
24. work on getting past the broken parts of life.
25. enjoy more.

nothing.

i don’t like it.
i can’t help it.
what can i do.
i can’t change
the situation.

“there’s nothing
i can do about it”
i’ve heard this phrase.
i’ve said this phrase.
i don’t like this phrase.

there are days
where i feel that it’s true.
there is nothing i can do.
but
it’s all about what
the next step
i take.

i don’t like it.
but there is
nothing i can do
about it.

i can’t change
the situation.
all i can change
is what i do
about it.

loved.

it’s messages like this that remind me how loved i am. i hope i always remember to tell people how important they are to me.

Hey I am going to bed but I just wanted to say thank you for all your love and for the fact that you express it and know that you are loved in return! night:)

figure it out.

“there’s so much time
to figure out the rest of my life” -boys like girls lyrics.

i keep thinking that it is time for me to have it all figured out. that it’s time for me to know what i want to do for the rest of my life. time for me to be doing it and be happy with it. but i’m not there. i don’t know what i want to do for the rest of my life. i’m still figuring out what i’ve already done. i have a list of places i want to see. i could not imagine stopping now.

the hardest part of it all, is that my parents don’t quite understand it. they think that i need to have a career. start saving for my future. find a single job and stick with it. because that is what they did. my dad worked at the same place for 20+ years. my mum has been working at the bank for the last 10+ years. they are settled adults. they want to see my brother & me do that too. at my age,  my mum was already married to my dad and had 2 kids running around.

don’t get me wrong. i know they want me to be happy. and enjoy what i’m doing. but every time i talk about what i want to do next, i can see/hear it in their voices that they want me to settle. they want both my brother & me to be successful. the easiest way to see that is by having a steady job that you can see advancement in.

after i go to AK this april, i don’t know what i’ll be doing. i don’t know where i’ll be living. but i want to make sure i’m doing it because i want to. neither of my parents really travelled. even in the US. but i want to go. see places i haven’t seen and be around people i’ve never met.

i stopped.

i stopped.
at the intersection.
like i always do.
no one else was around.
not a big surprise.
it was late.
i stopped.
longer that i anticipated.
longer than normal.
thoughts were flying.
thru my head.
i didn’t know.
what to do.
with them.
i stopped.
trying to clear.
my head.
i let the thoughts.
just sit.
i stopped.

pieces.

she left pieces of her
life behind her
everywhere
she went.
It’s easier
to feel the
sunlight
without them,
she said.
-brian andreas

sundays. pushing. puddles. searching. life. apologies. home. rain.

looking back at the pieces of life that have made up the last year. i realize how many pieces i’ve left behind in so many places. good pieces. pieces i’m glad i’ve left. i used to think it was so important to hold it all together. to keep all these pieces, because that would mean i had it all together. i could juggle & hold all these things, and still be put together.

in putting these pieces down, and letting them go. i have started to see the sunlight. and see life outside of being buried under it all. life is easier without holding on to all these pieces…

i get to love more, and hurt less.

pushing.

ever since before i can remember, i liked to push. i push people out of my life. i push myself to do better. and i push buttons.

i think i like to push because it provides change. it makes things different in my life. people float in & out of life. different phases or whatever, but sometimes it takes a little bit of pushing to get them out or find out how they will stay. good/bad i don’t know.

i wish i had the answers to whether or not i should push or just let them stay, but i guess that would make things too easy. when i’m not certain on if i should push or not, i guess i still revert to pushing, and i just push buttons to see what happens. if they stick it out and push back, or if they just let me push them out myself.

i’m very thankful for those who have always pushed back. and i look forward to seeing where the forward motion my pushing is taking me.

dear blog.

hello blog.
i’ll be back to you soon.
i’m just getting settled back in washington.
but man, do i have some thoughts for you.
see you soon.
mt.